I mean, I don't let my kids starve, or run around naked (usually), or play in taffic, or finger paint with lead paint. So don't get carried away...no need to google Child Protective Services. I just mean that I struggle every now and then. Well, daily is probably more accurate.
It's not that I don't love my kids or enjoy being around them. They mean everything to me. They are seriously the coolest kids around. It's just that I'm a little less like "super mom" and little more like Sarah Jessica Parker a la cheesy '80s movie.....I just want to have fun! Or is that I desperately want a spot on Dance TV? Either way, it means I'm not a huge fan of responsibility. And yet, as a mom, I find myself suffocating in a thick fog of responsibility every morning when I open my eyes.
It makes life a little cumbersome for a girl that defines life's activites by the amount of fun involved. Should we go to a movie? That sounds like fun. Take the kids grocery shopping? Yeah, two kids begging for Legos and one screaming to get out of her car seat sounds like a whole lotta fun. Time to do the dishes....not so much fun, but I guess it could be considered fun to have a clean house. Uh oh, someone just barfed. DANGER! DANGER! Absolutely no fun here....quick run away and hide.
But you can't run away and hide from your children or the daily chores necessary for raising children. Or at least necessary if you don't want to wind up on an episode of hoarders.
I've come to realize that I've been so focused on the not so fun parts of being a mom, that I've become a not so fun person to be around. A little resentful. A little demanding. More than a little cranky. It's time for a change. Time to refocus on the FUN parts of being a mom.
Mainly, my kids.
They are awesome. They are hilarious. I laugh every day, several times a day, at something one of them does or says. If he isn't here, I tell my husband and he laughs. Then I call my mom and she laughs too. Sadly, after a week or so I find myself saying, "do you remember what it was were laughed so hard about the other day?". Then it's gone.
Not anymore. I want to record our experiences. To paint a portrait of their childhood, one that can be celebrated now and cherished for years to come. It may not be pain or frustration free, I plan on sharing some of those things too. But I'm hoping that as we look back on these times, we will see that it was mostly happy. And I'm hoping to remind myself that we really do have a lot of fun.